In A Clearing

Eddie
‘t’s a beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty!
Beauty! Beauty!

A big house, big house, big house, big house.
Big house! Big house!

It must sell quite well, it must sell quite well.

Holly
Hey, what is all this noise?

Eddie
We must sell out the house.

Holly
So tell me now, what is the problem,
can I help?

Eddie
A fart is a fine thing,
it makes people smile.

A fart is a fine thing,
it makes for big laughter.

Make it loud and make it
bump and squeak and make it sticky!

Like this, like this,
(cups hand under arm and pumps)
qui qui, qui qui.

Holly
Seriously?

Eddie
I am as serious as a heart attack
so listen up and listen up tight.
You hear me?

“In A Clearing”
“In A Clearing” needs a punchier line …
or ending.

Holly
Hold your horses.
I think the sketch plays fine.

Eddie
Sure, it does, but…

(Marvin hammers)

Holly
Marvin! Your timing is perfect!

Eddie
Just hear me out, my thinking is …

Holly
This is no time to think.
Eddie
… it’s not really funny.
Maybe if we add a monkey …

Holly
It’s funny enough, it will get laughs.
It is funny enough it will get a good laugh.
Eddie
… it could be a cash cow.
Just add a monkey, it could be a cash cow!

Holly
It is funny enough it will get a good laugh!
Eddie
Just add a monkey, it could be a cash cow!

Holly
This fellow is crazy! Oh, no!
This night is too important, so
don’t change the script on me now.
This night is too important, so
don’t change the script on me now,
don’t change the script right now.

Eddie
Or how ‘bout a llama? With your camera?

Holly
Be hard now to switch from
the script which we staged . . .
. . . and rehearsed and which
takes place in Yellowstone Park.

Eddie
Oh, don’t be like this,
oh, don’t be like this,
oh, don’t be like this,
Holly
Oh me, oh me, oh me.

Eddie
it’s a piece of cake.

Holly
It’s a question of blocking,
a question of blocking,
you are freaking me out!

Eddie
Perhaps a hissing lizard, perhaps a hissing lizard!
It could pick up the pace,
think of what it could do,
it could spook out the bear,
it could bite the bison,
or goose a moose!

(Marvin hammers)

Holly
Marvin! Your timing is perfect!

Eddie
Love it, love it!

(Marvin hammers)

Holly
Marvin!

(Marvin hammers)

Eddie
Love it, love it!

(Marvin hammers)

Holly
Marvin! This is no time to think.
Eddie
Love it, love it, love it, love it!

(Marvin hammers)

Eddie
Just hear out my thinking …

Holly
It is funny enough, yes,
funny enough, yes,
funny, yes, funny, yes, funny, yes, oh
Eddie
please hear out my thinking.
Please hear out my thought;
just add a monkey, it will mean cash. Oh.

(Marvin hammers)

Holly
… enough, yes. Oh, yes.
It will get a good, oh,
it will get a good, oh,
it will get a good laugh.
Eddie
If we add a monkey,
we’ll get a cash cow!
We’ll get a cash cow,
we’ll get a cash cow.

Holly
It’s funny enough
it will get a good laugh.
It’s funny enough
it will get a good laugh.
Eddie
If we add a monkey,
we’ll get a cash cow!
If we add a monkey,
we’ll get a cash cow, yes, sir,

Holly
It will get some laughs. Ah, laughs.
Eddie
get a cow, get a cow, get a cow,
get a cow, get a cow, get a cow, get a cash cow!